Embracing Death—Celebrating Life

By Helena Montelius of Look Within

I saw Grief drinking a cup of sorrow and called out,

“It tastes sweet, does it not?”

“You’ve caught me,” Grief answered, ”and you’ve ruined

my business. How can I sell sorrow, when you know it is a blessing?”

—Rumi

On May 3 this year it will have been seven years since my 21-year-old son Jon died from an accidental overdose. Spring has never been quite the same. The cascades of flowers and new life now remind me of death and impermanence and the frailty of all life forms.

Like Heath Ledger and many other creative souls, Jon lived his life on the edge, exploring everything with vibrating intensity. Mind-altering plants and substances were part of his inner adventures and our travels together were part of his outer adventures. My son was not only my son; he was my ally, my soul brother, my teacher, and my adventure partner; to say I was heartbroken doesn’t even begin to describe how I felt after his death.

I was overcome by guilt that I had not understood the gravity of his drug use, convinced I was responsible for his death, and utterly crushed with despair and hopelessness. I simply did not want to go on living if my son were not going to be here. My heart shattered into a million little pieces of grief.

My saving grace was my meditation practice. I used one of my favorite forms of meditation, created by the Buddha: sitting in silence and witnessing the natural flow of the breath. My breath became a soothing, cool flow in the middle of the fire. Being with the breath became a way to embrace all the intense emotions by breathing into them, breathing with them, and breathing through them, providing a safe space for everything to be felt and expressed.

Focusing on one breath at a time brought me out of the painful stories in my mind and into the present moment. In the now, my panic faded and I became aware of a deep, beautiful, and completely organic unfolding within me. The breaking of my heart was also an opening; my heart was being stretched into limitless love. And in that stretching a well of compassion and tenderness bubbled up, holding the suffering Helena and all living beings in brilliant light.

I found a core, a refuge within, that was not affected by my son’s death or the emotional roller coaster I was on. In fact, there were a tremendous bliss and a peaceful vastness in that space. I had glimpsed it many times before in meditation but now I was so cracked open that all the surface layers of my personality were washed away and I could easily rest there most of the time. The love and spaciousness of my true nature became my new home.

From this new place I could look through and release my painful thoughts and the relentless judging of myself. Whenever I was lost, my breath became a way back to my new resting place and I could again embrace it all in compassion. It certainly was a practice and this time it was for real. It was not just a feel-good, destress kind of thing anymore; my life depended upon it! My skills as a meditation teacher were truly tested.

My meditation/grieving process, together with taking care of my very alive toddler, Leah, born 13 months before her brother died, was a full-time job for several years. I was blessed to be able to give so much attention to the journey of inner alchemy. I know this natural process happens within everyone who experiences loss but we don’t always give it enough time and space. We are meant to experience loss; it is a natural part of life, and we carry the keys to healing within ourselves.

Our painful losses happen so that we can be opened and brought out of dust-collecting routines into what is truly essential in life. Death and loss bring us the opportunity to examine our lives, to see with new eyes what we are doing with our time and energy and to start over.

Consciously embracing and preparing for our own upcoming deaths is a profound spiritual practice that can transform the rest of our lives, whether we have only a few weeks left to live or many years ahead of us. Of course most of us don’t know when we are going to die, just that we are, making each day possibly our last day here on Earth and the practice of contemplating death immensely valuable.

Through meditation, contemplation, prayerful silence, and looking within, loss can become a doorway to that which we can never lose, into becoming the love we have been seeking. At least we can learn to have more compassion for other people’s suffering through our own suffering. The Dalai Lama says our future depends on our being able to cultivate compassion and care for other beings’ suffering, so it is no small task.

Death, like spring, can bring the blessings of rebirth and resurrection.

530-292-3723, This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. , www.lookwithin.net

Your Body Speaks Your Mind: Fear and Fearlessness

By Deb Shapiro, author of "Your Body Speaks Your Mind"

Fear is an instinctive response when your survival is threatened, when what you believe in is undermined, or when the ground you are standing on becomes shaky and there is nothing to hold onto that feels secure or safe. Healthy fear is an important part of your defense mechanism. It maintains your alertness to danger; it keeps you on your toes. But unhealthy fear is neurotic anxiety that creates worry, panic, and nonspecific tension: the “what if . . .” syndrome. Constant fear or dread can undermine relationships, increase stress, and is physically detrimental. Physical signs include trembling, sweating, sleeplessness, exhaustion, heart palpitations, shortness of breath, and dizziness. Unhealthy fear is paralyzing. Every movement forward is undermined by doubt: the fear of what has happened or of what might happen, fear of being a bad person, fear that you are not good enough to be loved, fear of the pain in your heart, and fear that you are not strong enough to deal with it. We went to visit a young woman in the hospital who had become a quadriplegic as a result of an accident. We offered her some relaxation and meditation tapes, thinking this might help her relax into a deeper place of acceptance. But she refused, not because she did not want to relax but because, “I know I am being punished for being bad, and I am frightened of what I might find if I look inside myself.” You fear being healed for fear that you will no longer be sustained or supported. You fear that if you give something up you will no longer be worthy of love. “If I give up a bad relationship, maybe no one better will come along. If I look for a new job, maybe I will get a worse one,” writes Joan Borysenko in Minding the Body, Mending the Mind. “If I let go of my suspicion, maybe I will be hurt and disappointed by people. It is fear that masquerades as the need to control, a fear that deprives us of the chance to be free.” In other words, fear is about the future and about what might happen, what the next moment could bring or how change will affect you. Change is the very essence of all life, but when it is resisted it brings uncertainty and doubt. If that uncertainty is resisted it brings fear. If it is embraced it brings security and fearlessness in the deeper acceptance that nothing can be held onto, as all things are constantly changing. Recently, my husband, Ed, asked a 28-year-old Buddhist monk what he found hardest to deal with in his life, and he replied “uncertainty.” A few weeks later we were with a 71-year-old woman who had few possessions and no home of her own. The same subject arose, about how life contains so much uncertainty. “I love the uncertainty!” she said with a laugh. “It makes life so much more interesting.” The unknown can make you feel fearful, but only by entering into it can you reclaim your power. The contents of your own mind might appear scary but it is where your healing lies. For fear is like a mask covering up deeper issues, perhaps ones of grief or anger. Only when you go through the fear can you bring healing to what lies behind it. As Bruce Springsteen said in a GQ interview:

There’s a world of love and there’s a world of fear too, and it’s standing right in front of you, and very often that fear feels a lot realer and certainly more urgent than the feeling of love. . . . It’s about walking through that world of fear so that you can live in a world of love.

FEAR REVIEW

Sit quietly Breathe into your heart, opening and softening.

Find your fear When your breathing is steady and you feel comfortable and relaxed, then go and find your fear. Find where it is in your body, where it is in your past, where it is in your present, where it is in your future, where it is in your mind and your heart.

Do not hide from fear Get to know it. Feel it. Breathe into it. Every time it arises, see it, smell it, hear it, touch it, taste it. Then breathe and release.

Follow the fear Where does it come from? What does it want? Breathe and release.

Ask yourself questions How does fear affect you? What does it stop you from doing? What does it make you do? How often have you felt fear but not been able to identify what you are fearful of?

Name your fears Fear maintains control by being nameless, so find its source and give it a name. Define and name it. And breathe into it and release.

Forgiveness Is a Spiritual Path

Forgiveness is a spiritual path.

(But who is the teacher, and where are the holy books?) Forgiveness is a spiritual path, not a religion. The teacher that guides you is the Infinite Essence that lives eternally within you. The holy books are the stories of your own life. Within them are clues . . . and treasures . . . hidden inside even the most painful and traumatic events. Go deeply into the painful emotions you carry, and you will find the possibility of forgiveness. Tenderly hold the memories of sadness, anger, and fear, and witness them with simplicity. Breathe deeply and become aware of the waves of thought and emotion . . . rising and falling, arising and passing away. Notice and receive: your mind, your tender places, and your breath. Just sit down in the middle of your heart.

If you ask yourself, "What is really happening here? What am I thinking and feeling, and is there more truth to be discovered?” you will feel the profound relief that comes when all the running stops. You are no longer panicking, avoiding, judging, and blaming (the "usual” human response), so there is now room for acceptance . . . opening . . . and light. Breathe deeply into your body, filling it with the strength and sincerity of your awakening soul essence. Allow any waves of emotion to wash through you, and notice that each one comes and goes just like ocean waves come and go along the shoreline. Trace the cause of your emotion back to the old, unexamined beliefs about the world that you entertain with your mind. If you examine them carefully, with full self-responsibility, you may see that there is a possibility of releasing these thoughts and beliefs—not because it is the "right thing to do” or to benefit someone else—but because your soul longs for the freedom of living without them.

Letting go of painful thoughts and beliefs is the path of forgiveness. By accepting and releasing what is painful, there is more room for your essential nature to shine from within. Each new opening of your heart will allow energetic blocks to unwind. Your meridians will be freed . . . your blood will be enlivened. And because the outer world is a direct reflection of your inner mind, new events will occur in your life that will reflect the new openings of love blossoming in your heart. Test the possibility that every experience, no matter how painful, was a life lesson prescribed by your soul’s journey. Perhaps . . . life itself is a school, and everything that has ever happened (yes, all of it) is part of the lesson plan. Custom tailored—just for you. It’s not as personal as you’ve been taught to think. In fact, on certain levels, life isn’t personal at all. Yet having an individual identity is part of what happens here on Earth.

"What happens to us” appears personal and painful moments do occur. So do ecstasies and intimacies. With an understanding that forgiveness is a spiritual path, you can navigate your inner realms with new precision. Both the world of humanity and the world of divine truth can be welcomed and embraced. You will begin to watch with fascination as themes and patterns in your life emerge for healing. With support and self-acceptance, you will begin to reveal to yourself your own true nature . . . divine love. As clear channels open within you, you will be sustained and renewed. What follows will be a direct, mystical experience into the realms beyond words. Unity, including all opposites and all spectrums in between, will begin to be your state of awareness. Do you want to begin? Breathe. Relax. Revel in this life!

Ana Holub is a certified Radical Forgiveness coach, teacher, and mediator. She holds a BA in Peace Studies and an MA in Dispute Resolution. She has also offered healing Breath of Life sessions for more than 20 years. Contact her about individual, couples, or group sessions and for information about free Radical Forgiveness tools. Phone sessions are available. See www.anaholub.com or call 530-926-4639.

By Lynn Tosello

A spiritual counselor and guide is someone who listens with insight, intuition, and empathy. It is someone who reaches to the root of a problem to find a soothing and perfecting solution. It is someone who uses the spiritual aspect of life to enhance your experiences. It is someone who gets to know you and cares about your experience of being. It's me, and all others like me who have combined nonmaterial gifts and scholarly training for the advancement and enlightenment of our clients.

A spiritual counselor and guide is part teacher, helping students to grasp new ideas and understand concepts that are far larger than the individual. We are also part librarian, helping seekers find the books, tapes, films, and websites that will hasten clarity and elicit the radiant, sometimes whispered, epiphany, "I know; I understand."

Because spirit is the core of our work, a description is due here. I defer to Emmet Fox, author of Sermon on the Mount and many other books that give a great deal of spiritual insight. In his book Alter Your Life, Fox explains:

"You are Spirit. Your body is spiritual, but you are Spirit. Spirit cannot die and was never born. Your true self was never born and will never die. You are eternal, divine, unchanging Spirit, in your true nature. The whole universe is spiritual creation but we see it in a limited way, and that limited way we know as matter."

Being from spirit, we innately possess the seven aspects of God as enumerated by Fox: life, truth, love, intelligence, soul, spirit, and principle.

Integrating spiritual principles into every aspect of our lives results in wholeness and the peace that surpasses understanding. The teaching of a spiritual counselor and guide incorporates the teachings of Jesus, Buddha, Krishna, Black Elk, Lao Tzu, and the ancient Essenes. It is holistic in the greatest sense, embracing the whole in all of its forms.

It is the exploration of the dichotomy of love/fear, good/evil, light/dark. It is discovering where we fit into the cosmic scheme of life and how these seeming opposites work in our lives. It is looking at life itself. In the heart sutra, we find the paradox of life and existence: "O Shariputra, form does not differ from emptiness; emptiness does not differ from form; that which is form is emptiness, that which is emptiness, form. The same is true of feelings, perceptions, formations, and consciousness." God/creator/original life force is part of life, though, from our limited perception, the concept is difficult to fathom. Carl Jung was reminded of it daily by the saying in his office that read: "Bidden or unbidden, God is present."

Whatever way you seek peace with existence, exploration and discovery on life's journey are fun, exciting, frustrating, inspiring, cathartic, and renewing. Spiritual exploration excites and inspires me and I want to share the journey with as many fellow explorers as I can. Consider me and all those like me as your Kit Carson of spiritual exploration. If you're on the journey, or would like to be, we can travel with you. We've been over the territory before; we can help you chart your course.

Lynn Tosello, Chico, CA, 530-342-3740