Healing the Splits That Hold Us Back

Healing the Splits That Hold Us Back

By Barbara Brennan in Lotus Guide


Why is it that a so many of the things we long for rarely come to fruition? Why is it that relationships that promise so much in the beginning just don’t seem to work out? Or why is it that projects that are begun with great enthusiasm often don’t get completed?

It would be easy to lay the blame on others, bad luck, or simply fate. Many of us might even accept partial responsibility but without any awareness of what is really going on.

The truth is that while many of us may believe we are genuine in our desire for a better life, prosperity, love and partnership, to be truly creative, or whatever it is we long for, we tend to sabotage our ambitions with the subconscious fears we have held since early childhood.

If we have an underlying belief that, say, “I am not good enough” or “I will never get my needs met,” it is unlikely we will ever achieve what we are seeking. The power of these beliefs should never be underestimated. Yet many people don’t even realize they have them.

What they might feel instead is a sense of holding back, of discomfort, a reluctance to commit themselves-to a change of life or a relationship or anything-even when they know it is what they really want. They might turn down a potentially valuable opportunity because it’s “too risky” or “doesn’t feel right” at the time.

Of course, genuine intuition may play a part in such a decision, but it’s often because of an irrational fear reaction by the ego to stay safe. That’s the ego’s job-to protect us from further pain. And it does it diligently, to the extent that it stifles our personal growth, our desire to change our lives, to let go of old habits, and to flourish in new and different ways.

The ego hates change because change undermines its control. So even if we seek out fruitful possibilities to improve our lives in any of a multitude of ways, the old belief systems invariably prevent us from really following through. This is what we call negative intention.

We struggle between our longing and our fear, our connection to others-to life itself-and our need to stay separate. And while we hold onto that negative intention, we have little chance of fulfilling our dreams.

So what are these fears, these belief systems, that stem from early childhood? Basically, people can be divided into five major characterologies, dependent upon their experiences as infants and how they were wounded. These wounds are rarely intentionally inflicted; they are simply perceptions made at that very early age by children who have no understanding of anything but their own needs.

If, for example, a baby’s cries for attention are not immediately met, it may suffer a terrible sense of abandonment. That terror will be wired into its young mind and body-and become part of its consciousness that never grows up. This undeveloped consciousness is what people often mean when they talk about their inner child. But it is not really an inner child; it is the remnants of the consciousness of the child you were that have not grown up. It is your child consciousness that still believes and acts like a child. So, unless the belief is addressed, the individual is likely to have issues around abandonment for the rest of his or her life.

The other major fears are fear of annihilation, fear of invasion and being lost within another, fear of betrayal, and fear of inauthenticity. All of these have their origins in the erroneous belief that we must maintain separateness to maintain our individuality. And of course, we are not restricted to one particular fear. Depending on our wounding, we may even have elements of them all within our psyches.

Half the battle in combating negative intention is to be aware of it. When we make our choices out of fear, pride, or self-will, we choose to stay separate, isolated, and alone. When we can see what is going on, when we can identify the origins of our decisions and see their falsity, this can be a huge turning point in our lives.

It isn’t even necessary to wipe out negative intention. Positive intention is the ability to make a choice from the unitive state even if there is a strong impulse to do otherwise. It comes about when our choices are motivated by love, truth, integrity, courage, harmony, and joy. It is the intention to be unified within our whole being and to hold that unitive state in our interaction with others.

Positive intention is all about aligning with our purpose. To do this, you will need to examine the foundations of your integrity, seeing the parts of you that do not yet live in wholeness. Where do you betray yourself? Where do you dishonor yourself and act with split intention? As Heyoan said:


What is your truth? Find your edge,

that very fine point between being in wholeness or being split.

Stop, rest at that point, that one point of decision

in which you choose the state of your purpose, of your intention.


There is the one point where it splits.

It is the point of the now where you actually

live your entire life.


The more you can hold your conscious awareness

at this point, the clearer you will become.