By Barbara Brennan
The old question of why women often leave one abusive relationship and step straight into another continues to puzzle many of those involved in their protection.
While courts, police, and the medical profession generally understand the considerable influence of social environment and financial dependency, these women are frequently judged as being stupid.
They might be to some degree, but the authorities may fail to appreciate the strength of the natural law of “like attracts like” that functions in the physical world as well as in the energy-consciousness world of the human energy field (HEF).
Of course, this law also applies in many wonderful ways, dependent as it is on one’s intentions and beliefs. But since we all have belief systems and self-images built on childhood wounds, the negative aspects are more visible and can be magnified intensely by the severity of those early experiences.
Therefore, people who believe that abuse—or simply treating each other badly—is a part of life are likely to be drawn together. And since belief in abuse is dualistic, another law comes into play: The attraction of opposites. These opposites try to come back together as one. They seek oneness in the same way that many of us do.
So two partners familiar with abuse will each choose a role—the victim or the victimizer—according to how he or she experienced abuse as a child. One might have been physically abused and has therefore learned to take abuse from another, while the other may have had verbal abuse as a child and accepts it as the norm.
Any belief in abuse will contain fears as well as demands. The deeper issue fueling the abuse is usually about a real, normal human need that the individual did not have fulfilled as a child and therefore has not yet learned how to meet it. This is where the solution lies.
Most likely he or she does not even believe that it is OK to have that need fulfilled. In such cases, the partners will switch roles in different areas in their relationship, but each still acts out his or her type of abuse, not the other’s. These people do not understand what is happening to them. Neither of them can get their needs met in the areas of life their arguments are about.
No demand can ever be fulfilled because of its dualistic nature. Fulfillment can come only by bringing out the other half of the demand from the interior of the person who is demanding, not from someone else. No matter what the other person gives, it will not be what is needed.
The attraction of opposites comes from the longing to be whole. This is different from like attracts like, which stems from the longing to connect and build community with those of similar interests.
So, how can you tell if one is trying to become whole or trying to build a community? Well, we do both at the same time. Whoever you have trouble with in your community will be someone who represents the other half of your split. You are strangely attracted to someone you dislike! (Opposites attract).
On the other hand, your best friends will have similar interests and you will find it easy to build community with them. You will have fun with each other. (Like attracts like).
Both are vital parts of the growth process of community and ourselves. Whomever we have trouble with is like someone who mistreated us when we were young and we need to learn how to handle it with a different response. Whatever we try to get from someone else is inside.
What better place to learn than among like-minded people, who are different and can show us what is inside us that will help us grow into our fullness. We all need both life experiences!